Journey of the Heart

(October 20, 2014)

I delivered the following as a presentation and received some positive feedback about my reflections. In writing it all out, it is honestly more developed than the oral presentation, so be thankful to have access to the director's cut! I hope that those who read will hear something that inches them closer to a life of more abundance and joy.

As the year 2014 commenced, I selected a word that I wanted to define the year for me. After many words had raced through my mind in the preceding weeks, "explore" won out. There was immediate excitement about its all-encompassing implications. This word meant that I would be open to new experiences, getting out of my comfort zone, and growing significantly as a person.

Consequently, this word led me to places around the world. I traveled to the ghetto of Kingston, Jamaica, where I experienced the real Jamaica that they don't show you on commercials for Sandals resorts on the beach fronts. Additionally, I was stretched on a 13-hour flight across the Pacific to Seoul, South Korea, and onward to Vladivostok, Russia. In a land with people who have often received no less than an unfair stereotype from American films and news media, I got to see those generalizations blown out of the water first-hand through the hospitality and friendship of the Russian people.

While I learned invaluable life lessons in my travels, upon returning back home to Colorado, a realization came that seemed a little surprising to me. As a generally introspective person, I have often seen myself as someone who takes the necessary time for reflection. Well, as it turns out, very little of that time has been devoted to the exploration of my own self. Sure, I've established many of my beliefs and stances on issues in the world, but those don't answer the question: Who is Justin Langfield?

As it turns out, this exploration of self has been equally, if not more, adventurous than even the greatest of global travels. I have learned, and continue to discover, the depths of a heart and soul which have received their fair share of bruises and gashes, as well as the experience of some of the most awe-striking beauty God has given to us on this earth. A mindset that I have found to be somewhat misleading was that I always had to be actively serving others. A noble aspiration, however, while I was off keeping busy with activity, knowledge of myself seemed to be eluding discovery with every passing day. A helpful piece of wisdom that altered this mindset for me was, "Working on and improving yourself will benefit the people around you." Wow. It tugged my heart strings the first time I heard that. As someone who has become very service-oriented, most especially through my formation with Jesuit education in college, this was a perspective that resonated with me greatly. In the past, I had myself convinced that investments in myself were selfish and I needed to allot my time and treasure to helping others. All the time. While there is truth to that, I am coming around to the way of thinking - which is in no way new or original - that the BEST way I will be able to serve others is by being the best-version-of-myself. Thank you Matthew Kelly!

Another piece that I'm managing to slowly overcome is that for a long time, I had myself convinced that this journey of self-exploration was meant to be trudged along flying solo. In stark contrast, in my experience, the best thing I've done for myself in that regard has been seeking outside help from others. Verbally processing through life's complexities has led me to the simplest of solutions. How I've never thought of the things that come out during those conversations, I do not know!

All of this brought my attention to the phrase along the bottom of the crest of my fraternity. "Gnosthentes eph philon." "A man is known amongst his friends." First, a man must be known to himself. Where do I want to end up? What kind of man do I want to be? I am reading a book called, "To Save a Thousand Souls," that has a quote from a Chinese proverb: "If you do not change your direction, you will very likely end up where you're headed." Funny, I didn't know Yogi Berra was Chinese! Once that end goal is determined, he can make his plan for what steps need to be taken to get there. And for me, a big challenge is asking for help along the way. Well, as it turns out, that's about the only way I'm able to stay on track to get anywhere in life. All it really takes is that one friend who is going to be there through thick and thin, and vice versa. That doesn't mean having the answers for the other, but simply standing shoulder to shoulder, celebrating the joys and victories, and fighting through life's challenges together.

That journey of self-exploration has shown me parts of myself that are less than desirable. And one of the most amazing things that can happen is when I am vulnerable sharing those parts of who I am and having someone right there, loving me, not by ignoring those aspects of my life, but taking me as I am. That is the way of love that I have to say I am continuing to grow in. I am not where I want to be yet, but I believe I'm walking in the right direction, even though I often get off track and lose sight of that final destination. My experience tells me not to take this road by myself because of those times when I'm going to need someone to call me from getting lost in the woods back onto that path.

Explore yourself. Take someone with you. Prepare to be amazed at the treasure that lies within. And pay attention to the lives that you impact through the example you set by becoming the best-version-of-yourself!